Life as a SEN mum

Whatever your situation, Christmas can be a stressful and pretty overwhelming time. Over the years, the pressure we feel from social media has increased and this year more people than ever are worrying about the cost. But whatever causes stress this Christmas there are a few things that can help us all get by and enjoy Christmas.

Days out

With so much going on it can be a lot for those with SPD. We’ve noticed this year that James is becoming more sensitive to the noise that comes from large crowds and from loud speakers when you go to big public events. Whilst he’s generally able to manage this and it doesn’t send him into full sensory overload and doesn’t lead to a meltdown you can see it’s uncomfortable and unpleasant for him, which is the last thing you want when trying to enjoy the festivities. Fortunately this is quite an easy one to deal with as ear defenders are pretty cheap and easy to get hold of from Amazon.

Depending what triggers your child (or yourself) it may be a case of avoiding those situations, planning to go early or late in the day or knowing that there’s somewhere you can go that’s quiet. Some events such as pantomimes now have quiet rooms that they stream to or many will have autism friendly sessions where lighting and sound is adjusted.

This started off as a way of helping those with SPD. But having spoke to lots of you recently, listening to the news and obviously seeing myself the way prices are going up I thought it would be appropriate to briefly touch on it.

In other blog posts I’ve mentioned cheap/free things you can do over the festive period. But I know how much pressure can be felt to make everything “perfect”. Firstly perfect is different for everyone. Just because someone else is doing lots of days out, doesn’t mean that’s your thing. Trust me, it’s not cheap. But with young kids it can be stressful. Also remember, a lot of the people you see doing a lot of big days out are probably doing it for the purpose of social media or blogs. It’s not an expectation we’re putting on anyone.

Presents

Presents are a big thing, but again, a lot of pressure is felt. Going back to autistic children, bare in mind that many may not be interested in the same things as their peers, buying things that you think they’ll want could be a waste. Also for many Christmas Day can be really overwhelming, so you’re best just having a couple of things that they really want rather than lots of presents that may not even get opened.

If you’re child believes in Santa we never know exactly how to tackle this as so many people do it differently. If you don’t want to just have a stocking from Santa you could take several approaches. You could say that Santa couldn’t possibly fit everything in the sleigh so they should just pick one thing they really want from him (and then ask family to get the other presents) or, as my pairs dad has done recently suggest that parents buy the presents and send them off to Santa, this will also help stop questions if they happen to find anything on their list. You’d be surprised how many children actually realise they can’t necessarily have everything, even when they have no concept of money and without you having the conversation about it.

If your child is past the age of believing, then it may be time to sit down and have a serious conversation about the cost of things, you don’t need to divulge your financial situation with your kids, but making them aware that they can’t always have everything they want, even at Christmas is definitely necessary.

Other pressures

If only presents on Christmas Day were the biggest worry, we now have extravagant advent calendars, Christmas Eve boxes and Elf on the Shelf to contend with. All of these are pretty recent additions, but for some reason we all feel the need to take part, but are they necessary? The real answer is NO. Do we feel like we missed out as kids by not having these things? I’m going to go out on a limb and say absolutely not. So take the pressure away and don’t do it, or make it simple.

I do opt for a toy based calendar, but always let the kids choose so that it’s something they will continue to play with. We also have a wooden calendar that can be used year after year, these are a brilliant option as you can fill them with whatever chocolate or sweets you like, particularly good if you or your kids have milk allergies, I’ve also seen people use them as “Acts of kindness” calendars, so each day has a piece of paper with a random act of kindness on.

Elf on the Shelf most definitely isn’t necessary, but it can be fun. If you do opt to have the elves, keep it simple. Even if they stay in one place just to watch the kids until Christmas, there’s no need for all the expensive balloons and extravagant arrivals that we often see.

Finally, Christmas Eve boxes. This is one that I think is quite a sweet idea, but I’ll be honest, even I roll my eyes at some of the ones you see. I think we all had various Christmas Eve traditions. Some would have opened a present, maybe sat and watched a Christmas film. For us we all used to sit and read a Christmas story. These are things that can incorporated into your box. You don’t need a new book every year, use the same book. The same plate for Santa, just add a nice snack, be it bought or homemade, and some hot chocolate. Or if you’re not into a story add in a Christmas film, with everything being streamed, pick a film and create your own tickets to make it a bit special. If you give your boxes in the morning you could add a craft activity, either scout discount stores or look online for free printable colouring activities. There’s no need to make into another Christmas Day.

Food

This one makes a lot of us want to run and hide. I’ll be completely honest I can take or leave a roast dinner. But I do like to do one for Christmas Day. But let’s face it, it can be time consuming and expensive, and not everyone is necessarily going to eat it.

There are many ways you can help prevent spending all of Christmas Day in the kitchen, but that’s probably a post in itself. As for cost, there are a few tips which could really help:

1. Sit down as a family and see what everyone wants to eat. Not only will it minimise waste, but you’ll save on all the unnecessary extras.
2. Treat it like any other meal. Yes it’s Christmas, but that doesn’t mean we have to eat our body weight in food on one plate, or 3 full courses, to then stuff our faces with cheese and chocolates on an evening.
3. Don’t be afraid to buy a chicken. I do always have a turkey, but I know in advance I’m going to make a turkey and ham pie on Boxing Day, if you’re not up for lots of leftovers, don’t want to face the cost of a turkey, or just really aren’t that keen then don’t buy one. If you still want poultry opt for chicken, if you want a totally different meat then go for it, it’s your dinner.
4. Buying frozen? Unlike fresh meat that’s priced on weight some frozen turkeys may be the same price based solely on a weight category, so double check weights so that you get more for your money.
5. Frozen doesn’t have to be reserved for meat, frozen vegetables are a great option, particularly if not everyone is overly keen, and it saves on the prep.

What about if you’ve got family members with sensory issues regarding food? It’s simple. Follow some of the money saving tips above, sit and ask what they want. If it’s simple there’s no need to stress too much, you can easily cater for them. Just simplify your own dinner, there is no point forcing a dinner on someone who doesn’t want to eat it, I’ve been there. Charlotte just isn’t interested in a roast dinner, if she wants a turkey sandwich and some carrot sticks then she can have exactly that. But in all honesty she gets so overwhelmed by the day she probably won’t eat anything, so snacks will be the way forward.

What about all the other treats? Ask yourself if you really need them. After years of buying unnecessary boxes of chocolates I no longer bother, there’s always someone who buys a box for Christmas and if I’m honest we always still have lots left from Halloween. When it comes to mince pies I bake one large batch just before Christmas Day, because Santa has to have his mince pie, and it’s nice to have a little something for people to have with their cup of tea when they’re popping in. Other than that I only buy more than a usual shop if I know we are having people round, but if you’re worried about money and having people round for dinner, or a big buffet then reduce the amount you make, or ask people if they’d mind sharing the load. Often people really don’t mind helping out with a side dish or dessert.

Above all…

Make it your own. Focus on you and your family. Enjoy it and remember Christmas is what we make it, not what’s under the tree.