Life as a SEN mum

One thing think we are probably all guilty of is wanting to go completely OTT when it comes to kids birthdays. But as with any celebration it can very easily lead to sensory overload for any autistic person.

This photo probably sums up exactly what I mean. Admittedly there’s a whole host of other things to deal with when you have a child with a birthday in December, one of which is the total chaos of having Christmas and birthday decorations up. For Charlotte this doesn’t really cause many problems, I think she likes the extra fuss. But we did notice this year James struggled. He’s always been fine with other peoples’ birthdays, but this year definitely had an affect on his mood. The extra fuss, more presents, the proximity to Christmas. It all left him feeling overwhelmed and a like he’d been left out.

That’s probably where some of the problems come in, how do you juggle all the emotions? How do you keep everyone happy without taking anything away from the child who’s birthday it is but make sure any other children don’t feel left out?

There are some options that I’m sure many think of, such as if you’re having a party, allowing the sibling(s) to invite a friend or even getting them a little something. But these solutions may not always be practical, and it may not always provide the solution. Although I do agree that in the situation of a party it is worth allowing a friend because in the chaos of everything it is very difficult to split your attention as needed all the time.

This is definitely one of those situations where there’s going to be a lot of trial and error, and it will vary massively from one family to another.

When it comes to the celebration itself, if having any form of gathering we keep it to family. That way it’s people we know both kids feel comfortable around, it also means that everyone is going to be happy to pay equal attention to both and often come armed with sweets for whichever child isn’t celebrating their birthday. Keeping it small and in a familiar setting can also help limit the chance of sensory overload and anxiety.

One thing we find helps sometimes is going out for the day instead of any sort of party, this way you can have just a few gifts, and each child gets a fun day out, so both are happy.

Obviously as with everything it’s very different dependent on the age of each child and your family situation will have an affect on what you feel you are able to do. But whatever you do decide keep it fun, don’t over complicate things (you don’t need extra stress), and listen to what your kids want.