Life as a SEN mum

It can’t just be me that massively struggles with the seasonal changes. Well I know it isn’t, it is common, and perfectly normal to struggle. The lack of any proper seasons this year, more specifically a lack of summer certainly isn’t making things easier. But the effect on moods aside, when you have SEN kids it can bring a whole load of other problems. Similarly, if you have certain sensory needs then you’ll have to be dealing with them yourself on top of trying to help your kids deal with their sensory needs.

The biggest issue I’m sure lots of you find yourself encountering is clothing. There are so many different sensory triggers when it comes to clothing, that it can be tricky, and it’s important to know exactly what really is the trigger for your child because if they’re anything like mine then they will start pulling out every excuse and it makes it extremely difficult to pinpoint the problem and to be able to deal with it and avoid the problem wherever possible. In James’s case there are several issues, firstly that he gets overly warm very quickly, always has done. Therefore when the colder months hit and everyone has their big winter coats on, he still gets far too warm. But once he has been convinced to wear a coat he then refuses to take it off under any circumstances which you can imagine has it’s own issues. The other issue we have is with jumpers/sweatshirts. The feel of some is just unbearable, particularly knitted jumpers, which means he is the kid that doesn’t wear a jumper at school. Obviously this is easier to avoid at home anyway, but the feeling of some sweatshirts and the general fit can make it quite difficult. As a rule of thumb, we would avoid anything that pulls over the head, unless it’s particularly oversized. I do get this to a point as some can be very tight to pull on which is not only irritating, but if it’s tight round the neck, it can feel like it is literally strangling you. Asides from this the extra layers as a whole seem to cause some problems. It’s almost like the extra layers and thick coats feel like too much extra weight. It’s difficult to explain without witnessing, but the body language he gives off is similar to if we were to carry a bag that’s a bit too heavy, we do it, but it’s uncomfortable and we rather wouldn’t have the extra weight. Seeing him struggle like this really is difficult, so I do find myself trying to limit the time he actually has to wear bigger coats, but sometimes it is just unavoidable, and thankfully he does have the capacity to understand so it doesn’t cause the meltdown it very well could do.

Charlotte on the other hand, is a law unto her own. What irritates her with any clothing can vary season to season and year to year, so it makes buying clothes a challenge. She’s also very headstrong if she doesn’t like anything none sensory about clothing so even if it meets her sensory needs she will sometimes just refuse to wear it based on colour, pattern, length, or even if someone else has the same item of clothing. Yes, really. She’s also adamant that if she doesn’t want to wear something she won’t. It’s tricky because you don’t want to start arguments. That’s pretty much why you’ll see parents constantly asking, very loudly, “But are you sure you don’t need your coat on?” whilst waving the coat around just to show that we are trying our hardest, our kids just have different ideas.

As a parent I think we partly have to accept that there are some things we just can’t avoid. We don’t want to cause a meltdown and make them feel uncomfortable, even when we think we know better. From experience I can, however, say that, when they really do need that thicker coat or that extra layer they will wear it. The rest of the time we have to accept that we are going to have to wave a coat around like a crazy person, because unfortunately the world still doesn’t understand that the child not wearing a coat might have sensory issues, and that it really isn’t down to parenting.